The Emotional Bank of Mommy

I have a friend who continually amazes me. When we get together conversation inevitably ends up at parenting. While I am stuck at " I cannot believe so and so did that!! What were they thinking?!?" She has moved onto God's parenting/training skills. "I am so glad God is patient with me when I make the same mistake over and over and over again. I wonder what He thinks when that happens?" And I sit back and think. I step back from the problem, the frustration and realize that God loves me and He loves my children. And, for some reason, has blessed me with my sweet chickies. Who are sometimes sweet and sometimes not. However, even on the bad days, they are still our responsibility to train. Until God completely answers my prayers to help me not ever get frustrated or angry though, here are some coping strategies I have found useful when life gets out of control and my emotions are quick to follow:

• Get out of the house: it does not matter where. No, that's not true. Choose a location wisely: a place you know your children love. Go for a walk. Go to the playground, the library, the zoo, or Grandma's house (and maybe slip out for a cup of coffee :) Choose a place where the children will be happy and busy enough that they will be well behaved.
• Go for a little walk. Just getting some fresh air does wonders for me. And for all of us. And Emily finding little treasures just helps me remember the sweet moments and not just the frustrating ones. (We are in a treasure stage where every little walk brings home piles of "treasures.")
• Its okay to turn on the tv or a movie for a little bit to give yourself time to regroup. Just make sure you use the time well. Pray, call a friend, lie down and close your eyes, do some sit-ups, whatever you need to do in order to calm down. A little warning, my kiddos behave better after some shows than others. Blue's Clues or Bob the Builder seem to help them have positive attitudes and they will happily spend the rest of the morning fixing things. Not a good fall back every time the kiddos fall apart, but acceptable to occasionally keep mommy from falling apart. :)

Mostly: have fun! Gabe's new job has some longer hours, and one of our plans for this season has just been to make the most of the time we do have as a family. And it has been a lot of fun. This weekend Gabe has to travel. Rather than wear us all out with a great big to do list for Mommy, my to do list this weekend includes making a fort, reading books, watching a movie, making cookies, and maybe even painting. We are just going to have fun. I will probably do some laundry and maybe even try to clean the floor. But my only priority is to have fun with the kids.

I am finding joy in my family. And that goes a looooong when I spend all morning wiping poopy bottoms and reminding people to get poop in the potty rather than their pants. If we have a crazy day where I spend all day correcting someone. Or at least it feels like it, it will be ok. Its like a parenting bank. If we make a lot of positive deposits, the bank of Mommy can handle some negatives withdrawls without crashing. If we are in a constant state of withdrawing, Mommy crashes and Daddy is left with the peices when he gets home. Um, and while spending postive time as a family is soo important, don't forget the postive time with our Father. :) That is like a blank check-there is no end to the grace from Him.

Lucy's Early Brainwashing-I Mean Introduction to Good Things

What exactly is a good thing? Well, the kids have sung her Aunt Abbie songs since day one (sorry, Aunt Ruth. Keep hoping. Maybe the next baby will not so very much prefer Aunt Abbie.) And now,she sits watching Fox News dutifully watching the exit polls and election results. We found a book about elections and voting for kids and so we talked with Emily and Joe about it. I am not sure how much they understood. Emily wanted to vote for Cinderella. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. We'll hit it again in two years.


Our theme this week is transportation. I have to confess a lack of enthusiasm for this particular theme. But, I managed to find some fun books at the library, there are oodles of fun songs, and best of all-we made cars out of cardboard boxes. Boasting moment: We used coffee cup lids as headlights! What better than another way to justify coffee? I will post pictures of the cars tomorrow.


Can you tell how enthused I am about transportation? I don't really even want to write about it. No brilliant ideas here. But I do need to make one other boast-new achievement of mommy greatness: nursing while hiking!! Lucy's bottom was supported in the moby wrap (and other things discreetly hidden) while I held her shoulders and head with my arm. It was wonderful to be able to feed her and not make the entire crew wait, or just my wonderful husband while everyone else walked ahead.

Please don't think that my boasting means I have it all together (or when I share ideas.) I do not have it all together. In fact, the stuff you see on here are probably the only accomplishments I will have during the week. Although, I cling to the hope that things are happening in my children's hearts and minds that may not be visible to me as I persevere on the mommy front. (Every now and then something peeks through and I am encouraged.) My life is made up of triage parenting and scrambling for a moment to get something else accomplished (like cleaning the bathroom that never stays clean.) Who is screaming the loudest? Or rather, whose need is more urgent? I lean very heavily on God's grace. Ok, poopy diaper calls.

Fight For Kisses

Seriously, this is too close to the real story. Josiah is only a little interested in nursing right now. But if Daddy's around, he won't let go. If Daddy even looks in our direction he latches back on super quick. If he's not nursing, his hand is resting on me, staking a claim. The possessiveness is ridiculous. :) Adorable, but ridiculous.

mommy failure

I failed my mommy test last night. 2 a.m.-screaming. Wait, sweet sleep, come back. . . oh the screaming isn't stopping. OK, who's screaming? Is it Joe? Emily? Emily. Gabe's not moving. Huh. OK. I'll go do the mommy thing, a few hugs, cuddles and kisses, tuck her back in and get back to bed. Its 2, Joe should sleep right through it.
Yeah, right.

So much for my attempts to be the loving wife. Gabe arrived upstairs a few minutes later to rescue me from what was now two screaming children. I rocked Joe while Gabe worked with Emily. Sigh.

So I don't have to get up with the kids in the middle of the night anymore right? Since I failed so horribly?

Stone Soup

GO AWAY!

My dear sweet husband recently made an executive decision that we needed to go to the beach for a night and two days. Personally, I thought it might be more helpful to stay at home and get some work done, but as always, my husband knew what I needed better than I did. (It happens way too often! He frequently knows when I need to eat before I do.) I had been struggling with the house, the kids, and all the miscellaneous responsibilities of a stay-at-home mom. I love being a stay-at-home mom, but a very long winter with sick kids and trying hard to juggle so many things just wears me down after a while. I did not realize how much. It was amazing to leave the house and just enjoy each other. I loved spending time with my babies and my husband, not feeling like I had go clean something, or organize something else. We just had fun with each other. Moral of the story: do not belittle the value of leaving your house for just a night with your loved ones. :)

Something Useful?

I am sitting at the breakfast bar eating lunch while my children nap. The floor is sprinkled with peanuts, raisins, and cheerios (my new favorite snack for Emily) that spilled on our way upstairs and I am too hungry to clean them up just this minute. Soon. I tried thinking of something "useful" to share from this week. The only thing that I learned that was really useful this week was more philosophical. This week I realized that I have been making too many of my parenting standards and decisions based on what other parents around me are doing. There are A LOT of opinionated parents. You know, the ones who come up at the store to say hi to your adorable baby, and just wanted to let you know it was windy, so make sure your little one is protected so she does not swallow air. Or isn't breastfeeding the most wonderful gift to give your baby? (The mother who shared this one was standing there smoking while her baby sat in the shopping cart. . .?!?!?) Or the mothers who sit silently at church, with their children lined up silently and motionlessly beside them. They may never say anything to you. They may never judge you. But I judge. Why don't my children stay silent? Why does my daughter so defiantly tell me "no" all day long, despite my consistent corrections? I am a bad mother.
I am not a bad mother. I am not a perfect mother. I am a mother who is trying every morning to get out of bed and do the best that I can. Some days that means we stay home for many days in a row so that we can get healthy and stay healthy, or work on a training issue (like always telling mommy "no".) Some days we leave the house so we can all get some fresh air and spend some time with someone else. Some days we eat all organic, homemade food. Some days we eat at Wendy's. Some days we kidnap daddy from work and take him to the zoo with us. Some days we count the minutes till he gets home and I am no longer the only adult.
The point is, I am trying to do the best I can. I am only responsible to do what my husband and I feel are right for our family. Not what anyone else thinks is right for us. Or even what anyone else thinks is right for their family. It seems so basic, but I seem to struggle with this too much. I am grateful for the wisdom of our friends and family. I enjoy listening to it. But when the day is done, I am only responsible to God and my husband for my parenting decisions.

P.S. I really do think that breastfeeding is one of the best gifts you can give your baby to start life out on the best foot possible. I just also think that exposing your baby to second hand smoke is a dangerous gift to give. . .